Goggles
by SwordStitcher
Summary: The Riddler is in business and he's picking up hostages. Maybe some new headgear too.


A/N: For those of you who have not seen the totally _not_ spoilerific picture for Arkham Knight, It is on Switch and Reaper's Tumblr- switchy and reaps dot tumblr dot com!

I blame Batty, she showed me the picture! It's been so long since I did a silly, off the wall one-shot so enjoy!

* * *

It started, as always in some cases, with hostages. The Riddler always took hostages when he challenged the Bat. It gave him motivation to play Edward's little games. His employees had come a cropper once again with a half-dozen new and terrified people and after the debacle in Arkham City he wanted to outdo himself.

It sometimes amazed Edward Nigma that anyone would leave their homes after dark, knowing that at any given point in the year, at last three rogues were on the loose but it just served to further his point on the matter. Gotham and it's citizenry were stupid.

Now, what had his employees caught exactly? Edward always did like inspecting their latest finds and not just because the mere sight of The Riddler after they had been beaten, dragged into a van and tied up was enough to make them petrified. Alright it was mostly that. But it was his favourite part of the whole process.

Sometimes he could understand why Jon liked being the Master of Fear. It was fun to see the terror on their faces and knowing you inspired it but this wasn't just about making his presence known, oh no. This was a time honoured tradition of deciding who goes where. It was art and showmanship. Everything, even the hostages had to be perfectly in place.

Their current crop was hardly anything to boast about. Two blue collar lawyers Dead Switch had thoughtfully gagged beforehand, one security guard who looked both angry and resolute, and three women in their late teens, all dressed rather over the top and all three were by far the most fearful.

His mere presence caused quite the reaction. The lawyers were straining to get away from him, the guard stiffened and the women all drew together, looking for comfort.

'What're you going to do to us?' The guard demanded. It took Dead Switch less than ten seconds to descend upon him and give him a righteous smack to the back of the head with her gun.

'Be quiet!' The sounds of the barrel meeting the bone of his skull caused the girls to dissolve into hysterics. Great. Just what he needed, hysterical, sobbing women. He could already feel the headache that was brewing.

He didn't understand the way they were dressed, nor did he particularly want to. It could best be described as eclectic. And they said _he_ had bad style choices.

Still, he walked over to the nearest one who shuffled and tried to wriggle from his grasp as he patted her on the head. 'Please, please don't kill me!'

'Oh please, your own stupidity will do that!' He ruffled the woman's hair but realised she was wearing some sort of headgear. Curiosity got the better of him and with a tug, he pulled it off.

They looked like aviator goggles, but that's not what interested him. They were actually a glorious shade of green, really quite stunning. He didn't understand the trend of wearing them, but he really did like them. They went into a pocket as he turned back to business.

God forbid he have to put up with these three shrieking harpies until the end of the games. He actually thought the security guard might be the most fun to hold on to and he had _such_ a rapport with Switch already.

Edward walked the line of hostages and assigned them their numbers. One, two and three were the wailing women, four and five were the gagged but pleading lawyers and the last one, the one saved until the end was the security guard.

Dead Switch knew instantly what to do and motioned for Mannie and Zowie to grab a hostage. He left them in his employee's capable hands and strode off towards the monitor room to arrange the riddles.

It was only when he sat back down did he remember the goggles he'd taken. They really were good. Simple, but bold with the green glass. His bowler hat had been misplaced somewhere in Arkham City and he was definitely not trudging through the filth of that place just to find it. He had thought he would just commission another to be made but now…

He couldn't resist trying them on. In the blackness of a monitor they suited him, to his total lack of surprise. Everything suited him.

_**[Incoming Video Call: Scarecrow] **_

Without thinking, Edward accepted the call. 'Jon.' He greeted. 'I thought you were busy with-'

'What the hell is on your head Edward?'

Well. Is that any way to speak to a friend? It took him a second to remember the goggles he was wearing. 'Oh. These.' He resisted the urge to take them off with any shame. 'Aren't they a lovely shade of green?'

'They're hideous.' Jonathan deadpanned.

'You're hardly one to judge, Jon.' Edward snarled in response. 'You wear a _burlap sack_ on your head.'

'Yes, but it doesn't look nearly so ridiculous-'

'Burlap. Sack.' Edward replied. He didn't care if Jonathan hated them or not, he really liked them. They were comfortable and they held his wildly springy hair back. He was definitely keeping them now. The fact that Jonathan disdained them was just the cherry.

'Yes, well. Your bad fashion was not the reason I called.' His…_His_ bad fashion? Good god he was amazed Jonathan Crane even knew how to dress. 'I had a few things to discuss.'

'By all means.'

'I actually think I'll call back later.' Jonathan muttered. 'I can't speak to you with those on your head.' He whispered something that sounded like "Idiot." just before the call disconnected.

Honestly. The man was just so preoccupied and busy these days on his latest plan to ruin Batman. He was almost distracted.

He was just about to call Clarice and complain about her boss when he heard the sounds of Dead Switch and the boys returning. Sure enough, her heavy footsteps sounded up the stairs and she appeared in the door. 'Hostages one to five are in pos- Boss?'

Oh god, not her as well. 'What, Switch?'

'What are you-'

'My new headgear. I wanted a change.'

'Oh they're…they're nice sir.' She stuttered.

He turned to look at her, stood awkwardly in the doorway. 'Is there something you wanted?'

'What do you want to do with hostage six?'

Who was hostage six? Oh. Yes, that's right the security guard. The very rude and angry one with the headache courtesy of Switch. He could be fun. Hell, Edward might actually beat his best time in breaking someone if he pushed things. And he had time. Plenty of it while they waited for Batgit to find the first riddle and attempt to rescue the first hostage.

He'd hardly left the room before Switch had her phone out and dialling. He caught the first snatches of conversation as he headed down the stairs to play with their guest.

'No, seriously. You have to come and see this. I'm just about to call Clarice over, goggles! Yes Jes-'

Edward smirked. Yes, these goggles were just what were called for. They were different, they made him look good and Jonathan hated them but their best feature was how they had people talking. He was absolutely keeping them.

The hat was a bit of a wrench but something he could deal with, however the cane stayed. Nothing was going to force him to part with his beloved cane.


End file.
